My own little corner of the universe

It seems like this should all be easier.

There's this eternal quest that we, as people, are on each and every day for some sort of peace to the soul, world peace, peace through Jesus, whatever. Yet, we are constantly in the realm of chasing distraction.

I can't stand to pay my bills, so I'll watch TV
I don't like coming home to my wife, so I'm going to the bar
I hate doing my expenses for work, so I'll "research" on "MySpace"
I have important things to do so...oooooo....something shiny!

Distractions. And it's getting worse. Video games, blogs, MySpace, 500 channels of high definition TV, AM/FM/HD/Satellite Radio, Cell phones, Blackberrys, and on and on.

It's even gotten to the point that people refuse to make plans any more. You call someone, including me, and invite them to something, rarely do you get a "yes". It's more like a "sounds good, let me see what's going on".

We've taken a fear of commitment to a level of not even committing our minds to a train of thought.

I'm voting for a slow down. No more reasons of doing things just because "we can". More, we should do things when "we should".

Where should it start? With each of us. Believe me, no leader is going to stand up and say "slow down" (unless you're in a union, in which case...well...it's understood). No, our "leaders" are captains of industry; masters of their domain; powerful/knowledgeable people. They demand information NOW about stuff that's happening LATER. These are the same people who will choose to pollute a lake because "the law didn't state that we couldn't put THIS chemical in there". That will fleece people of their money because "hey, the law didn't say we couldn't put up dummy corporations to make us look profitable".

No, the revolution starts here. When you're sick of needing Red Bull just to make it through your week. When you're worn out from having to juggle work and time with the family. When you're staying home at 10:00 at night to work on a project for you boss that you got called on at 6:00 that same evening. It's time to say "MY TIME"

Because We Have To!!

10 Pounds of Fucked Face Hate

I can't stand it in this small town anymore. I have to get out. I got left with this place in the divorce (though she got everything inside, I got stuck selling a shell). The realtors in this area are slipshod if not outright incompetent and this place is sucking my soul dry.

If I lived where I'm aiming, I'd be riding my bike around a lake, going to museums, seeing movies/plays/theater, LIVE MUSIC that isn't roustabout shit.

Instead, I have to pack up my existence and travel a few hours to get to anything that feels like home and away from the place listed as my current address. This place isn't hell in reality, but it's hell on me.

I'm in love, I have friends, and all of those are ELSEWHERE!!!

I've gotten to the point where I hate my ex wife for a ton of reasons, though I started by just not being able to stay married to her anymore. But for me being stuck out here for something I did for her, I am forever fucking mutilated in my heart when it comes to her being able to bolt and move on. She is a fuck stick and a cheat and selfish and stupid and I cannot believe I was married to that stink box for such a long period of time.

I just am fucking raging today against all things that are my past since they are preventing me from what I would like to have as my present.

If someone were to just burn my house down, you'd be helping me.

Fuck!!!!!

That lingering wait...

I've never actually changed all that much from when I was a kid. I have in many ways (mortgage, bills, more responsible, etc), but there are just some things you revert to. I still procrastinate to a ridiculous degree. I still eat the wrong food and like watching TV. I still wait anxiously by the phone waiting for people who said they were going to call to actually CALL. I get nervous around women. All that shit.

The funny thing is, I've been finding things out about me that I didn't know. Some of these things would have been a MAJOR confidence booster. But I look back and kind of realize that I wouldn't have been a good guy if I had known things when I was younger. I think my life is progressing at the correct rate.

Now if I could just fucking lose weight and change some other habits so I can live to see my kids grow up, pay my stuff on time, and make progress in my workplace. I'm so happy with parts of my life, but so letting others just sit stagnant. Maybe it's not their time to be worked on and keeping them from evaporating but not growing is all I can do with them for now.

Until then, I gotta eat right. :)